JUNE 2004 (#78) America’s favorite ball and chain Jessica Simpson, a blockbuster summer movie preview, the sexiest gals of reality TV, the seven coolest cars money can buy, and a bunch of crap you should know
COVER GIRL JESSICA SIMPSON America’s new favorite blonde talks about her TV shows, including her weekly pay-per-view striptease hour. Er, that last one is more wishful thinking than, like, an actual fact.
WE WANT ANSWERS! BEN STILLER In a Barbara Walters–like watershed moment, the silver-screen Starsky says he suffered childhood humiliation at the hands of Patty Duke—the big baby.
MAXIM GOES TO THE MOVIES PRESENTS… ACTION! It’s Spidey vs. Catwoman vs. King Arthur, plus a picture of Jennifer Love Hewitt’s CGI pussy—cough, cough—cat. Bonus: all the Harry Potter buzz you’ve been craving.
MANLY THINGS CRAP YOU SHOULD KNOW Ever learn how to dodge a bullet? Remove a leech? Waterproof your pants before a big night out? Our ultimate study guide will help you look and sound just like a functioning adult.
WAR OF THE WELLS CRUDE POWER Newsman Robert Bryce’s new book, Cronies, connects the dots that link Texas, the Bushes, oil, Iraq, and the unchecked influence that big business wields over America’s foreign policy.
AS SEEN ON TV DRAMA QUEENS They let cameras follow them to work, on dates, at play, and to catfights. Now they’re letting cameras show them looking hot.
SUPERCAR SHOOTOUT ’04 ULTIMATE GETAWAYS Indy driver Dario Franchitti pushes four all-new supercars to their performance limits. Thank God we remembered to bring diapers—they don’t come standard on these babies.
READERS’ LETTERS WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! Maxim responds to angry accusations of April-issue sensationalism with a hearty dose of “Fooled you!”
JOKES THAT’S GOTTA HURT! We finally take a cue from AFV and jump on the “cracked testicles are funny” bandwagon. Sigh.
CIRCUS MAXIMUS ATHLETES AND DRUGS Is Balnetar an Atlanta Falcon or an eczema remedy? Plus, scary clowns. Mommy!
MAXIM WORLDWIDE COLLIEN FERNANDEZ Meet a German girl who’s not just another blonde-haired, blue-eyed piece of perfect from the land of lederhosen.
HOW TO BREAK UP A FIGHT Then dump your gal and shoot the shit outta some fish.
ASK DR. MAXIM WART’S UP, DOC? Revealed! The hidden dangers of burping your worm and why baseball games can give you a heart attack.
SPORTS BUFFALO WINGMEN Our writer stalks bison Billy the Kid–style. So, anybody else got a hankering for bloody entrails?
SAYS HER BE HER BOY TOY Snag yourself a hot, horny Mrs. Robinson.
HOT ZONE MUSIC TO OUR EARS See which concerts we’ll be sneaking into through that hole in the gate this summer, then giggle with the guys from Reno 911! and Broken Lizard.
TOP GEAR WE’VE GOT BALLS Big, thermally bonded silver ones, plus six pages of the best electronic beepy boopy stuff around.
BAR EXAM TALK DIRTY Learn the nerdy real names of rappers, then enter a raffle to touch executive editor James Heidenry.
MAXIM FASHION ALTERED STATES Like business casual but hate khakis? Learn how to take a single suit from boardroom to bar and everywhere in between.
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